Operation Rosebush
by Miss SillyGoose Miss anthrope
Summary: Heero has a new mission. Operation Rosebush is only the beginning. There's also Operation Manual Retrieval and Operation Shortcake. Includes all of your favorites in a state of delightful character exaggeration. Read on, read on. Finished product.
1. Chapter 1

Miss Silly goose and Miss Anthrope don't own Gundam Wing, that they don't.

o

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Chapter 1-Operation Rosebush

o

Heero contemplated Relena Dorlian's doorway from a strategic camouflaged position

behind a rather unbountiful rosebush with some withered white blossoms. As his regard became

determined, he shifted his gaze to the bush. He quickly outlined the battle plan in his mind and

acted upon it immediately. He wrestled with the rosebush until it yielded 5 withered blossoms.

Without hesitation, he approached Relena's house.

o

Relena looked inquisitively at her doorway. "I'm certain I heard knocking," she mused to

herself as she closed the door.

o

Heero, in a somewhat dignified manner, appeared from behind the door, nearly lost in the

hinges.

"That might have gone better" he stated. "Perhaps I should have stood to the left."

Heero returned to his former hiding place, fort rosebush. He observed the top of the

rosebush, beneath shoulder level, in some irritation. "This rosebush is exactly 5'2", I should be

completely concealed from view...my head is not concealed from view...strange." He squatted

down behind the rosebush until he was concealed.

o

He observed a crowd of girls in magenta uniforms.

"Operation camouflage" Heero said to himself as he separated himself from fort rosebush.

He joined the crowd of girls, a wave of giggles passed over the gaggle.

Heero, feeling the need to blend in, laughed too. The girls

immediately silenced.

"Abort maneuver" Heero stated, and retreated to a nearby hedge.

o

"Hm," he grunted "this hedge is exactly 5'5 and 3/4"...I should be more then completely concealed...I am not

concealed...odd." He knelt down.

o

The door shut behind the gaggle of uniforms.

"Operation doorbell #2" Heero said determinedly.

He proceeded to the door and rang the doorbell. Paygan opened the door.

"I was invited." Heero stated matter of factly.

Paygan looked completely unsurprised and satisfied.

"I'm going upstairs." Heero took a vigorous step forward, and found himself on the ground,

outside, where he started. He blinked.

"That was odd. I will not be obstructed in my mission."

He reviewed his latest action to discover how he had failed. He concluded that the door jam had

been taken apart and reconstructed two feet shorter.

"That's highly impractical" he thought.

He ducked under the door, past Paygan, and walked up the stairs.

o

Heero reached the top of the staircase.

"The most logical place for Relena's quarters is the 3rd door on the right."

Heero said to himself and walked straight to the door. He opened it and

stepped inside, only to find himself repelled.

"Grrr " He growled, "this door's been reconstructed too."

o

He ducked into the room and shut the door behind him. He surveyed his surroundings. A

bed with a puffy white and pink quilt, well made up with a teddy bear on top. A dresser, a

mirror...something captured his attention. A small book sat on her mantelpiece. He walked over

to it, and picked it up. On the first page in large curly and overly decorative letters it read, _Miss _

_Relena's diary. _He turned a page, then another, discovering gradually that every page was

covered in her handwriting, and divulging all the information of her life.

"An instruction manual" Heero mused.

He heard muffled giggles drawing near. He carefully placed the manual in his pocket,

and deposited the 5 withered blossoms in its place. Considering it a fair trade, he then opened the

window, ducked out, and scaled the wall to ground and safety. Feeling himself safe he strolled

away from the house, returned to his quarters and sat down to study the book.

o

Read on gentle reader, read on.


	2. Chapter 2

Miss Anthrope and miss Silly goose don't never have owned Gundam wing, nope indeedy.

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Ch 2 The Restaurant

o

Heero decided to don more comfortable clothing for his extensive research. As he pulled

on his ever beloved spandex shorts and green shirt he realized with horror that something was

wrong. He couldn't tuck his shirt into his shorts because it wasn't long enough, and his shorts

were considerably shorter then they had been last time he wore them.

"Darn!!" He exclaimed in real sadness. "I knew I shouldn't have put them in the dryer,

they must have shrunk."

He sighed and put on a normal pair of pants and shirt. He felt an odd breeze around his

ankles. He looked down, there was a large gap between his feet and the hem of his pants.

"They must have shrunk too."He considered a short mission for new clothes.

"No, I don't have time for that." He stated to himself and sat down to study the manual.

_Dear diary, allow me to introduce myself, my name is Relena. I am 16 years old today._

"This manual is outdated" Heero mused, "still it may prove useful."

_My favorite color is magenta, my favorite food is strawberry shortcake, and I like _

_peace..._

Knock, Knock, "Hey Heero, you in there? " The door swung open, "Hey there you are, let's go

get something to eat, I'm starving. Hey I'm talking to you!"

"I'm busy." said Heero unconcernedly.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Come on, you can bring your book with you." .

Heero decided it would be easier to go than deal with the intruder.

"Ok, lets go."

"Nice outfit" Duo said laughing.

o oooooooooooooooo o

"Watch your head Heero." Said Duo as they entered the restaurant. Heero observed his

friend enter with a good space between his head and the doorframe, and decided the advice was

irrelevant as the two of them were the same height. He confidently walked forward therefore, and

hit his head.

o

"Hey look it's Trowa! Hi there, mind if we join you?" Duo asked good naturedly.

"Suit yourself." Trowa replied.

Duo sat down opposite Trowa, Heero opted to take the empty space beside him. As he sat

down Heero painfully banged his knees on the table. A little confused, he surveyed his friends

sitting comfortably beside and across from him.

"Odd."He thought, and decided to return to his book.

o

As Heero tried to focus on each precious word of the manual, he suddenly became aware

of an annoying obstruction to his sight. Every few seconds a shadow would flit across the page

and get in the way of his view. He gradually became aware that it was hair. Whenever Trowa

turned his head, his hair would fall directly in Heero's line of vision. Heero quickly began to

formulate a plan. He picked up a steak knife.

"Trowa, your hair is obstructing my mission. I will remove all obstacles." Heero grabbed

Trowa's bangs and sawed them off with the steak knife. Trowa blinked.

"Okay. They were kind of annoying me anyway. I just thought that everyone liked

them."

o

A young Chinese man entered the restaurant, a trailing child in tow.

"I want a piggy back!"

"That is because you are weak." Said the man.

"Hey Wufei!." Shouted Duo.

"I do not associate with people who waste their time drinking milkshakes in roadside

diners." Said Wufei.

"I want a milkshake!" Shrilled the child

"That too is a sign of your weakness child." Said Wufei.

Wufei and the child sat down at the table beside Duo.

"Waiter!" He said to the empty air next to the table. A waiter appeared.

"Waiter, I require a bowl of strawberry flavored ice cream, one glass of milk, and two

straws."

"I want root beer! I want french fries! I want a candy bar!" Said the child. Wufei looked

at it with disdain. Heero looked up from his book at the child.

"It is unwise to consume only french fries, candy bars, and root beer. It hampers

movements, and may cause abdominal distress." He returned to his book.

o

The ice cream etc. arrived. Wufei immediately began the process of smashing the ice

cream into mush, adding milk, and inserting the straws. He and the child then began to consume

the finished product somewhat noisily. Duo looked rather incredulously disgusted. Trowa

observed without noticeable expression. Heero continued studying the manual.

"Hey Heero, what are you reading anyway?" Duo snatched the book from Heero.

Heero growled.

"Miss Relenas...DIARY!! What're ya doing with that!! You can't just steal Relena's

diary! You have to take it back!"

"What's all this fuss?" A calm voice broke in. "Is it this book?" He took it from Duo and

opened it.

"Miss Relena's...DIARY!!! You stole my sisters diary!!" Milliardo grabbed Duo by

the collar and pulled him from the booth.

ooo

"Wait...I...it wasn't..." Sputtered a poor battered Duo. Milliardo walked off with the diary

satisfied as Heero calmly watched.

"Darn!" Heero muttered "I still had 7 pages left."

"Hey...aren't you gonna help me...how come you let him beat me up?" Duo asked

pathetically. Heero offered no explanation as he helped Duo up.

Wufei and child continued to consume the non milkshake, while Trowa contemplated the

world no longer blinded by his bangs. Heero watched Milliardo's retreating form.

"Operation manual retrieval" he muttered to himself as he helped Duo to his quarters.

"Watch your head." Duo said weakly.

"Your doorframe is exactly 6' 3 and 7/8", this warning is irrelevant to me." Heero replied

confidently.

"Yeah, whatever" Duo said as Heero's head met with the doorframe yet again. Heero

looked truly confused as a large bruise began to bloom on his forehead.

"Why have you reconstructed your doorway?" Heero demanded of his friend.

"What're you talking about?" Duo replied.

"Your door frame is shorter then it was last week."

A movement caught Heero's eyes. The distant Milliardo entered a grocery shop.

"Operation manual retrieval" Heero said once more as he ran in the direction of the shop.


	3. Chapter 3

Miss Silly Goose wishes to confess that she does not own Gundam wing. Oh no. Miss Anthrope does not own Gundam

Wing nor any of the characters associated therein either. No matter what she might say.

o

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Chapter 3 An Invitation

o

"Duo," Quatre asked his friend, "what does it mean when a girl...I - I mean a woman..."

Quatre grew flustered, "Why would a woman say that she'd have to _think_ about agreeing to go

out for a social dance, when a fellow asked to escort her?" Quatre looked embarrassed over the

view screen. Duo laughed over the satellite connection.

"You mean you actually asked the chick out, and she said she'd 'think about it'?" Duo

asked, good naturedly teasing his friend.

"There's no doubt about it buddy. She's playing hard to get." He said light heartedly.

Quatre looked concerned.

"But Duo, what if she's just trying to be polite, and she really doesn't want to go with me

at all? Maybe she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings."

"Are you kidding? Women don't care about that stuff. Especially not Dorothy Catalonia.

She's in a class of her own."

"How did you know it was her Duo?" Quatre asked blushing.

"Instinct man." Duo said. "Don't worry Quatre, I'm sure she'll be comin 'round your

doorstep before long with a fancy little note of acceptance. Believe me, I know women." Duo

said smugly.

"I hope you're right, Duo." Quatre sighed.

ooooo

Quatre puttered about his mansion, trying not to think of Dorothy. He wandered down to

the kitchen.

"Miss Breighton, can I ask you something? Why do you think a lady would..."

o

Miss Anthrope likes to _e_dit, lah lah la lah laahh.


	4. Chapter 4

Miss Anthrope and Miss Silly Goose do not own Gundam wing. Being writers as fabulous as they are, you may wonder

when they'll invent their own characters...just wait...

o

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Chapter 4 In Search of Revenge

o

"Milliardo!" Exclaimed Relena happily. "What brings you here?"

"I brought back your diary."

"What? My diary?" Relena asked confused.

"Yes, that Duo fellow had it."

"Duo?" Relena asked quizzically, "but he's married."

Milliardo's eyes narrowed...

"Yuy..." he growled. "Still," he said " here it is...wait...where...it was in my pocket...I'll be back!"

Milliardo stormed from the room.

Relena, baffled by the whole interview, went upstairs to her room and discovered five

very dead roses on her dresser. She laughed.

ooooo

Heero eagerly read the final page of Relena's manual.

_...I just bought a new pair of pink __shoes. There's nothing quite like new shoes to make one feel important._

Heero looked down, his toes stuck out from the ends of his very disreputable and old pair of shoes.

"Maybe I should get new shoes" He mused to himself, and wondered when his toes had begun to protrude from his

shoes.

ooooo

Milliardo waited patiently in Heero's quarters surveying the sparse surroundings. A cot

with one military issue blanket and no pillow, along with a single wooden stool and a computer

completed the rooms furnishings. Milliardo grunted quietly.

ooooo

Meanwhile at the shoe store, Heero contemplated the doorway as a potential enemy. It

appeared to be the normal height,

"but still..."

ooooo

Quatre paced in his hallway. "Maybe I should just go to the function and see if she shows

up...but what if she comes here...maybe I should..." The doorbell rang obnoxiously. Quatre ran

to answer it.

"Quatre Raberba Winner, shall we go."

"Yes, I mean, I was worried you weren't gonna come...and...and I mean come

in...and I'm glad you came, and I got you some flowers, they're almond blossoms. In the

language of flowers it means hope," Quatre blushed"because I hoped you would come."

"Why, how very quaint, you're quite the gentleman. I propose that we take my car."

ooooo

Heero stopped in front of the window of a clothing store and eyed a suit. He looked down

at his own short pants.

ooooo

Milliardo's phone rang.

"Hmm." He grunted "Hello."

"Where are you? I've been waiting for an hour."

"I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

"I'm on a mission of reven...I have things to do Noin."

"Well stop and come get me, we're late for the thing."

"What thing...wait...Yuy will be there...yes Yuy will be there."

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Click.

o

I'm almost done! Tra la la la la, almost done!


	5. Chapter 5

Miss Silly Goose and Miss Anthrope wish to make it known throughout the land, that we do not own Gundam Wing, nor

any of the characters within.

o

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Chapter 5 The Social Function

o

"Your hair!!...You're here!" Exclaimed an unusually well dressed Duo with Hilde

clinging to his arm.

"Do you like it? Catherine did it. She put this gel stuff in my hair. She said I looked

handsome." Said Trowa.

"Uh huh...right.." Said Duo

"Really handsome!" Said Hilde.

"I'd never let any woman touch my hair" Said Wufei.

"Yeah! Me neither!" Squeaked the small child.

"Let me fix your hair tie Wufei, it's falling out." Said Sally as she tackled Wufei's

obnoxious locks.

"Thank you woman, that would have been embarassing." Said Wufei. He walked away

small child in tow.

o

Zechs and Noin entered the building.

" Milliardo take off that stupid helmet!" Said Noin.

"No I can't be Milliardo Peacecraft at this function, I have business to attend to."

"Take it off!!"

"Fine." He growled. His eyes darted across the ballroom scanning for his prey, and

narrowed when he found it. "Yuy."

o

Relena sat at a table surrounded by females in dresses of varying shades of pastel.

"Oh miss Relena, you look so beautiful."

"She always has the nicest dresses."

"I just love seeing you at parties miss Relena..."

"Etc."

o

Heero appeared in front of the table and thrust a plate of strawberry shortcake at Relena.

"Why Heero, thank you. How did you know?"

"I read your manual, but that information is irrelevant. What's important is that I'm

going to kill you. No wait, I mean, grrr. Operation shortcake failed, retreat."

"Ouch." Exclaimed Milliardo as his fist came in contact with a wall where Heero had

been standing mere seconds ago. He grumbled as he rubbed his fist.

"Hi Milliardo. Look what Heero brought me. Milliardo grumbled and walked away.

o

All done!! Mission Editing complete.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: We own not what has been much sought after. In a word, Gundam Wing. (We know it's two words.)

o

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Chapter 6 - Resolve

o

Heero thumbed frantically through Relena's diary, sweat beading on his forehead as he tried to re-discover some valued

information that was vital to his mission. He was in a storage closet with a flashlight at the function.

"Dear Diary, Heero told me that he was going to kill me

again today", the diary read, "I don't like it when he

does that." Heero grunted. "I wish he would just tell me

that he loves me", the diary continued. "Today Marlene

told me that blue and pink don't match. I disagree."

Heero snorted and closed the book. He exited the closet and, as he walked back to the ballroom, he slipped the diary

into Duo's coat pocket.

"Hey", said Duo. "What the- Oh no!!"

Zechs's eyes were drawn to him. They narrowed and he growled "Maxwell" and stormed across the room.

o

Interlude

o

"Ooh . . . Ooh . . . The pain", said Duo.

o

The doors to the ballroom flew open as Dorothy Catalonia swept in, trailing Quatre Raberba Winner in her wake.

"Maestro", she commanded imperially, "Tango." As the two took position, Wufei commented, "You'd never catch _me _

doing anything like _that_. How ridiculous."

"Ridiculous!" said the child.

Sally strode up to Wufei.

"Let's dance", she said.

"Okay."

o

"Hey Trowa, do you remember that time when I made up that story about us being brother and sister so I could take care

of you when you were hurt?" asked Catherine.

"Yeah", said Trowa.

"You know", said Catherine, "I get the strangest feeling that some people still think that we _are _brother and sister", she

said. Trowa raised an eyebrow.

"That's silly", he said.

They turned to watch Quatre and Dorothy parade by, followed by Wufei and Sally.

"You wanna dance?", Trowa asked Catherine.

o

"Excuse me, sir", a butler addressed Heero.

"Hn?" said Heero.

"Would you mind straightening that picture of Miss Relena?" Heero reached a hand up and straightened it.

"Oh, thank you", the butler said, "It's too high for me to reach."

"Hn?" Heero said. 'Too high?', he thought.

"How tall _are _you?" Heero asked the man. The butler looked surprised.

"5'7", said the butler confusedly.

"That doesn't make sense", said Heero, "Do you have a tape measure?"

"Actually, I do", said the butler, "You see, I happen to be a carpenter by trade." Heero proceede to measure himself

carefully.

"Hn. That's unexpected", he said. "It explains a lot of things."

o

Heero walked toward Relena's table. Zechs sat by his sister, his satisfaction and smirk growing larger with every step that

Heero took. He was within five steps. Zechs began to rise and . . . was being dragged toward the dance floor by his wife.

"Noooo!" he howled.

"Hello Heero. Thank you for the strawberry shortcake. It's my favorite", said Relena. Heero grunted.

"Hn."

"You look so handsome in your suit, Heero, I like your bowtie!" She smiled at him. Heero grunted again.

"I like your . . . um . . . face."

"Why thank you, Heero", she blushed, "I like yours too. So, how do you like my party, Heero?" Heero didn't answer.

"Do you really want to kill me, Heero?" she tried.

"No."

"Well, that's good."

"I love you", Heero said in his trademark, deadpan voice.

"You are weak." said Wufei as he waltzed by.

o

o

Finis

o

o

Dear Readers,

We did think about leaving Heero dangling off into the universe, not realizing that he's become ridiculously tall, but we

decided it wouldn't do. We also spared poor Quatre from being even more of a weenie than we had already portrayed

him as (We actually do like him). Be assured, though, had we shown a close up of Quatre and Dorothy dancing, his eyes

would have been shining in happiness. Thank you.

-Miss SillyGoose and Miss Anthrope.


End file.
